Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2020 5:44 pm
148327 Views
1 comment , 28 Pending
The Bathroom Conversationalist
Posted:May 27, 2020 3:24 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2020 9:34 pm
323 Views

We've all encountered this at some point or another.

"Hi! I was just thinking about you!"

*fart*

"No, I'm not busy, just sitting here."

*plop*

"That? It's just the air dryer, I'm in the bathroom right now."

It's been a while, but the bathroom conversationalist was in the bathroom yesterday when I walked in. The phone was on speaker and she was taking a shit while talking her husband.

"Hold on, someone just walked in..."

It remained silent for a bit.

What the hell is going on here? I refuse piss on speaker phone and there was no way I could hold off any longer.

"Please end your call so I can take care of what I need take care of."

My patience was thin as my head was aching, I was over heated, and I wanted just rip my fucking mask off my face.

"Sorry, I'm not done with my conversation, I'm just trying not be rude."

"The polite thing would be give my privacy, end your call, and allow pee."

The husband piped up at this point and said he would call back, and the call ended. She quickly wrapped up her business, visibly irritated, and washed her hands with vigor.

Here's the thing people...

Some things are meant be done in private.

Going the bathroom.... PRIVATE.

Phone conversations.... unless I'm the one on the other end of the conversation.... PRIVATE.

And, for God's sake, DON'T COMBINE THE !
16 Comments
Reunited... And it feels so good.
Posted:May 26, 2020 4:06 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2020 2:50 pm
601 Views

Yah.... I'm actually not crazy about this song.

It's a fitting title for my post, though, so I'm going with it!

Now that my are spending the weekends at their dad's house, there has become a familiar routine when we all come together again.

Chaos.

Forty five minutes of complete insanity and 16 conversations happening at the same time.

Today was no exception.

I was home long enough to turn on the air and start to change out of my work clothes when someone started knocking on the door.

Really?!

I put my shirt back and and went to spy through the peep hole to see who was out there.

"Why are you knocking on the door? It's not even locked!!" Damn .

"OMG, your neck is so red?" The Spawn immediately noticed my sunburn.

"Yah, I'm an official redneck now. Proud??" The little shit just threw her bag, her shoes, and a bunch of string on the floor in front of the door.

"I got so wet at work today." Middle is smiling and nodding his head, like it's a right of passage.

"Did you bring my flip flops?" Dammit, I left my flip flops on the porch at their dad's on Sunday.

"Renegade" The Spawn is dancing a circle around me while I point at her shit and give her the 'pick that shit up or die' look.

"The dirty hobo smelled like rotten socks and my mother didn't like it...." A robotic voice was coming from someones phone.

"Dirty hobo??" What the hell am I hearing??

"I don't like those donuts. Why didn't you buy the cake donuts?" Middle is already eyeballing the snack food.

"My Roblox character was kidnapped." The Spawn is dancing and singing about the dirty hobo.

"You guys are the reason I drink."

"Really mom?!?" The Spawn is rolling her eyes. "I love you too."

"I might love you back if you take care of that pile of CRAP you just left in front of the door."

"Hmmm.... I guess I can like this donut after all." Middle is wiping chocolate from his face.

"Dammit, I guess I've got to love you now." Without picking it up, the Spawn is kicking her stuff down the hall into her bedroom.

"It's too late Mom. We already know you love us, can't back out now."

Crap... She's right.

Happy Monday!
20 Comments
Akin to a Picture
Posted:May 25, 2020 5:36 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2020 4:11 pm
789 Views
It's Memorial Day.... And I began my morning talking with a coworker who lost her 4 years ago in Iraq. I knew, when I popped on to FB and saw all her pictures posted, she just needed an ear.

Losing a is never easy, no matter what the circumstance, no matter what the age.

It was an emotional talk, and I needed to break free... So I headed to Lake Michigan, my happy place.

Every year a different beach, a different water level, a different set of new experiences.

I have to say, I am happy to see some beach again!

I had walked quite a way down the beach when I saw this....



It spoke to me.

Clinging to life, trying to make the best of it's current situation.... Hanging on by threads. Tough enough to remain upright, with it's branches held high, very much like myself and a lot of people I know.

To all you veterans out there... Thank you for your service. I do know that it is you and your families who make the ultimate sacrifice.

And, because I thought you might like them... A few pics from my journey.



20 Comments
And I present to you....
Posted:May 24, 2020 3:35 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2020 5:09 pm
1228 Views
Headlight Lashes!!



For those moments when that giant, silver, work utility truck just isn't girly enough.

It's the female equivilent truck nuts...

I parked next this thing when I was doing my rolling stop grocery pick yesterday. Behind the wheel of this truck was this tiny little woman yelling into her cell phone on speaker.

Cliches everywhere.... Too many to count.... Must move on....

I've heard this logic from quite a few women. "I just don't feel safe unless I'm driving a big truck."

Really? Unsafe you say....

Where, exactly, are you driving? It must be a bitch driving those 10 paved miles to get to Wallyworld to curbside pick your weeks worth of groceries.

Who are you encountering the way? Are there Somali pirates out there getting ready pillage your haul for toilet paper and sanitizer wipes? I'll bet if you blink those giant, pink headlight lashes at them they'll blush and turn away....

I'll be honest, when I think safety, I'm thinking air bags and remote sensing. I look at my car and I shield my eyes from the glow of safety....

When I get too close to something, it brakes for me. When I go to back and the cameras see something, it beeps at me. If I don't have my seat belt on when I take it out of park, it yells at me. If, for some reason, I still managed somehow wreck my car, my car will call for help using a remote link from my dashboard screen.

In this, I feel safe.

And those are my Sunday morning thoughts.... Happy Sunday!
23 Comments
The sun is shining, the birds are singing....
Posted:May 23, 2020 7:07 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2020 9:04 pm
1396 Views

I have become the most hated person on earth as I have told the Spawn she cannot go downstate and spend the week with her friend.

She still has school next wee

We ALL know I've been struggling with this home school crap.... The last thing I want do is lessen my resolve on the whole thing. Perhaps if she'd been diligent and did her work when she was supposed , and not lied ... It could be a very different scenario.

Thankfully she is at her dad's house for the weekend so I don't have put up with her grouching around the apartment and being a complete menace society.

I spent my morning getting my balcony back into shape.... I just love summer flowers and miss having an actual place of my own sometimes.

I would plant flowers everywhere...

Here, I'm limited to my balcony, so I make the most of it. It takes me a while to get it just the way I like it each year, so I tend to take my time getting just want I want for each planter.

Yesterday, I got the geraniums.

It's already looking like an extra living space out there.... Can't wait to get it finished so I can enjoy a morning coffee on the antigravity chair.
16 Comments
Single handedly pissing off the world, one person at a time.
Posted:May 22, 2020 3:39 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2020 5:40 pm
1730 Views

So, yah....

I was on lunch today listening to a coworker loudly ranting about how there are people out there that think this COVID-19 thing is being drastically blown out of proportion.

I raised my hand.

"You think that too?!"

He pretty much yelled it at me.

"Yep. I fully believe there is something to be worried about, and we should be doing what we can to remain healthy and safe, but I don't think we are going about this the right way."

He was outraged, threw his arms up in the air, and started yelling.

"Don't get all upset and mad at me, I'm not forcing my opinion on you. I'm just saying, it kind of feels to me like all this focus was meant to distract us from something else."

I resonded to him in a soothing tone, not argumentative, and I was surprised to hear the three other coworkers who were in the breakroom with us agree with me. We all agreed that COVID-19 was something to be concerned about, but shutting down the United States of America wasn't going to eliminate the disease.

I changed the conversation at that point, but he didn't stick around for long.

On an unrelated side note: I'm listening to my downstairs neighbor complaining right now to another neighbor. She's apparently "had it" with the apartments and is planning on moving.

Woo Hoo!

Apparently whoever is filling in for apartment manager is getting on her case for her multitude of animals and smoking.
28 Comments
The Foremost Authority
Posted:May 22, 2020 2:27 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2020 12:34 pm
1727 Views

We ALL have this coworker....

The one who has done everything, seen everything, worn every shirt. Every experience this coworker has ever had eclipses any story you have to share.

Fuck this coworker.

I was in the breakroom yesterday, taking an ibuprofin, as I now experience a nearly daily headache. The combination of not wearing my glasses, wearing glasses that are fogged up, and having the constant pulling at me ears from the mask is just killing me.

"You know, ibuprofin is bad for you. You should be taking Tylenol. With everything that is going on, I can't believe you're taking an ibuprofin."

Yah.... This coming from the Foremost Authority, the one wearing TWO masks because the 'downstater customers' keep getting in her face.

"I distinctly remember, not that long ago, you saw me taking a Tylenol and, if I'm not mistaken, you lectured me on how Tylenol was bad for my liver...."

She just stood there.

"Now , correct me if I'm wrong, but, didn't I laugh and say give it a few weeks and suddenly we'll need to star taking Tylenol again? That everything is bad for you at some point?"

She did NOT like my response.

"This is different! This is a matter of life and death....."

I continued to receive the lecture from the crazy woman wearing two masks, one of which was taped to her face with medical tape.

Because, you know.... She's the Foremost Authority.
25 Comments
In the firey depths of hell....
Posted:May 20, 2020 4:30 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2020 12:34 pm
2190 Views

There sits my office.

What could be more awkward?

Boss #1's wife (estranged?) showing up in my office door?

Said wife asking me to fax Boss #1's benefit information to benefits?

Having 3 coworkers immediately ask me what she wanted the moment she left my office?

Having Boss #2 call me on her day off, moments later, to find out why said wife was in my office??

Good lord people.... I've felt less anxiety waiting for a pregnancy test result to come back after an unexpected missed period.
23 Comments
And 45 bites the dust....
Posted:May 19, 2020 3:55 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2020 12:39 pm
2991 Views

I spent the majority of 45 rediscovering myslelf.

My wants... Needs... Likes and dislikes. I made it a point do things my own and pushed myself do things I felt hesitation over.

The Gym!

I discovered I had more strength than I thought I did. More courage...

I lost a good friend... But I gained so many more new ones. I'm living through a pandemic first hand and witnissing people at their worst... And their best.

My ....

My are the best thing God ever could have given . I know I survived my childhood because I was meant bring them life.

They were meant be here.

My Middle stepped through the door with a little purple planted orchid in his hand and said "happy birthday Mom". I couldn't help but smile, it's the cutest little thing.

", that's so cute. It's perfect."

"[The Spawn] has the good gifts. She's coming."

With bags in hand, she came charging through the door.

"Hello"

Thrusting her bags in my face, she just kind of stood there, waiting for me to look inside.

How can you tell when people really know you?

They know ALL your favorites.

In bag #1 was a ct package of hair ties, 3 Cadbury fruit and nut candybars, a coffee mug that said I was purrfect, and a smelly thing for my car. In bag #2 was a giant cheesecake assortment.

"OMG! my favorite stuff! It's almost like you guys know or something??"

"Happy birthday mom!'

I gave them each a hug and told them how much I loved them. The of us sat the couch for a good, long while... Each kind of doing our own thing on our phones and watching Netflix. Little conversations about their dad retiring and work things.....

Just being together and being family.

Happy Birthday to !

May 46 be the best year yet!
17 Comments
When will I learn?
Posted:May 17, 2020 12:01 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2020 11:55 pm
4474 Views

Surround yourself with people you feel good around.... Not the ones who make you feel inadequate.
15 Comments
Greetings from a Fucktard!
Posted:May 16, 2020 7:24 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2020 4:00 am
5681 Views

There's other "dating" sites for women like you, this is a fuck site in case you couldn't tell by all the pics

An ass wipe from Cheboygan has decided bless with his wisdom this morning.

How clueless this man is actually finding a woman fuc

Here's a clue, dipshit.

If a woman does not respond your initial 'show your naked body' opener, she's not interested. If she doesn't respond your second try at 'either your getting a lot of dick or your shy' comment, move on.

She is not interested.

When she finally responds back and states that she is not what you are looking for, it's coming from truth.

Don't get all fucking butthurt and lash back with a burst of emotional sewage.

She will respond back, and it will not be what you want hear.

Cause, this chic is wise with words and knows exactly what buttons to push to bring you to your lowest.

It's going to hurt when I tell you I've met more men on site than you will ever receive in female responses.

I won't even have to resort to telling you that your dick pic, that you're so proud of, makes me want to cringe when I look at the clutter and garbage in the background of your mirror.

Good God...
27 Comments
TGI Fri-Yay!!
Posted:May 15, 2020 3:23 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2020 4:02 am
6208 Views

Thank God this week is done!

I came home from work tonight and discovered a help wanted sign at the end of the complex driveway.

Apparently they are looking for both an apartment manager and a handyman.

This is a new record!

Not even six months and they're both a thing of the past. I can honestly say, though, not going to miss the sketchy handyman or his craptastic handiwork.

I am curious what could have happened to lose them both in one fell swoop. I just talked to the office manager on the phone Wednesday....

Nothing seemed amiss.

Not going to put too much thought into it, though.... I don't really care.

Besides, it's my birthday weekend.

Three Day Weekend!!!

Not quite sure what I'm going to do as we're all on house arrest still, when I had originally requested the vacation day for Monday, I'd planed to spend the weekend out of town. This, of course, was before the pandemic.

I think a day trip to Lake Michigan is in order.

It's been a long time since I've watched a sunset....
27 Comments

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